as the light peaks through dawn, a new day is upon us
more tasks, greater challenges, and lots of rigor
the difficulty strickes us like an arrow in the back
difficulty such as one more portage
carrying that last wannagon till your spine cracks
the last kilometre of canoeing striving,paddling, using all your energy
pushing for that goal of that ever pleasing crackle on the fire
as darkness falls over the lake
the clouds hush
the wind silent
paddling under no light except for the moon and the big dipper
paddling closer and closer
anything is possible
you can do it
3 comments:
i liked how you described everything in almost a metaphor i bet you worked hard one this...
on temagami poem- great job reid i can clearly see what you are trying to say my one suggestion is that you should shorten your lines in the first 2 stanzas like the lines in the last stanza i think that it would be a lot stronger of a poem that way but thats just my opinion
-lewis
Nice, Reid. Great descriptions and content.
My comment here might be harsh.
You're content was great, and I loved it, but probably would not have just by looking at it. Personally, I thought you were telling us about Temagami and then writing the poem. I think the structure was a bit "off" and looked more like a story than a poem. Shorten your lines. It'll simply look better. But the last stanza was good. Also, try and capitalize every word of the first line. Here is a sample:
The light peaks through dawn
A new day is upon us
More tasks
Greater challenges
Rigor.
The difficulty strikes us
Like an arrow in the back,
Like a striking snake.
Difficulty such as one more portage
Carrying that last wanigan
Untill your spine cracks.
The last kilometre.
Canoeing
Striving
Paddling
Using energy to the fullest
Pushing for that goal
Of that ever pleasing crackle on the fire.
As darkness falls over the lake
The clouds hush,
The wind silent,
Paddling under no light
Except for the moon and the big dipper
Paddling closer and closer
Anything is possible.
You can do it.
As you can see, the poem itself is longer, yet looks less like a story and more like a poem. I added few modifications about the content, but really they're minor and add some flavor. I'll be looking for your poem to be better than the one I came up for you!
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